Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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