Dual....:-)
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
