He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
