Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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