I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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