Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i came on her dog
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
