That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
