Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
