69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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