I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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