if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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