He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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