everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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