Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
