did you get engaged???
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
