Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
