We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
