I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
