just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
