On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
