oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
