Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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