shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
