there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
