i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
