if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
