I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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