WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize