I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
