so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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