Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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