Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
