I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
where are you?
Hypothermia
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
