Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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