I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
