I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
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