and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
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I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
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My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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