someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Randomize
