Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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