ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
cat food counts as protein by the way
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
