Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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