Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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