So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
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she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
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I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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