It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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