Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
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