Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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