she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
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Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
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Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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