You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i was born a porn star she said
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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