piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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