Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
