Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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