i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
This baby is an asshole
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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