ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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