every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
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You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
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Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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