Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
