I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
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Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
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I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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