please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You ruined the universe
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