there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
