i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
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All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
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it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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