Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
