I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
